dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
