yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Mom said you looked used
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
