So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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