I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
