we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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