My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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