Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
