Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
