he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is Oprah even human
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
