Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They are going to name an STD after you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
