he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
