One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
