his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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