Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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