It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
