while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
