my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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