Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
