First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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