i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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