he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
