I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
