my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
