Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
