We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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