So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
