Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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