actually, I'm a sock model
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
