??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
