u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
