my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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