they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
