Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
