i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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