Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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