i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
