Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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