You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
