we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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