I wish I only lived at night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
