The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
