who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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