Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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