I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
