just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
