I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
