I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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