you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
