do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
