Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
