Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
