Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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