Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
