I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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