Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
