Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
