Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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