if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The air taste purple.
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