So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
