It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
