I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
