I need to stop coming to work sober
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
